where do grandmas and aunties even buy this shit? It’s not in stores???do they have a dealer who sells to them????
Let me tell you a story.
One day, we were heading to my grandma’s house, only to realize that she was out doing some sort of errand. A tad bit annoyed, we decided to head towards Walmart (she always shops there so). On our way down the highway, we spot her, going faster than her normal pace. We decided to follow her to the store, until she took an unusual turn.
Baffled, we decided to follow her to this confusing destination. She began making dozens of turns, twists, and whatnot. We tried getting her attention by beeping and waving (our puppy decided to stick his ass out of the car). Nothing worked.
We were all getting anxious and started assuming crazy things. This random turning went on for almost a whole hour. Finally, she stopped at what looked like the entrance to a nuclear fallout shelter. She slowly got out of her Navigator, and quickly sneaked over to the bunker’s entrance and proceeded to enter. To our luck, she left the bunker open, and we decided to follow her in.
A strange scent filled the air the more steps we walked down. The scent started to grow a similarity to me.
It smelled like the wrapped strawberry candy that she would always give to me.
We finally reached the bottom steps and seen grandma typing in a strange combination into a keypad next to a big door, and hitting the enter button with her La Chancla.
What we saw next was unbelievable.
A huge, luxurious, red mining area.
There were grandmas having conversations, laughing, eating and collecting the red strawberry candies we know and love. The grandpas were working hard mining and wrapping the candies. My grandma walked up to a man, about 65 years in age, and paid $30 for an entire bag of the orgasmic red strawberry wonders.
As i watched her, i clenched my Steve Vai teddy with true happiness. We tried to escape back up the stairs un-noticed. Thankfully we did.
As we approached our blue hot dog, my grandma was standing behind us.
Smiling, she handed us 5 strawberry candies. But these were glowing red.
In awe, we began to eat the candies.
Everything went black.
Next thing i noticed, we were all at our home, laying in our beds. No one can recall the situation of seeing the Red Strawberry Mine. Except me.
I suggested we paid her a visit. She cooked dinner for us, and we all had a great time.
She looked at me, winked, and gave me a red strawberry candy.
I looked back and smiled.
That, ladies and gentleman, is where these succulent candies come from.